Have you ever had your heart broken? I have, and I write this blog as I mourn and grieve the loss of someone very special in my life and my hope is, my words will help become a healing tool for you as it will be for me.
I wasn’t prepared…
When you are mentally unprepared and you lose something you love, whether it is a friend, a family member, a business partner, your career or job, it can leave you totally broken, questioning yourself, and deeply hurt. It can feel like your world will never be the same.
Loss and grief are usually accompanied by powerful emotions such as anger, loneliness, fear, guilt, and self-blame. It can also cause us to wonder ‘why me?’. I have thought about this a lot over the last few days and have had to remind myself that I am not the only person who is suffering or been through this pain. That does not mean that my own situation is insignificant, it is just a reminder that I am not alone. Everyone deals with grief differently, but there will probably be a time down the track where your own difficult story can assist others to heal. Reflecting on why things have happened is all part of the grieving process, however, do not obsess over it as that will make it very difficult to move forward.
It is time to take a leaf out of my own book – which I have shared in a previous blog – “it is okay to be sad, but do not stay there”.
Moving beyond the sadness…
My self-reflection on the last 5 days:
- Permission to grieve
It is so important to take time to grieve and mourn your loss. Give yourself permission to feel all of the sadness, anger, loneliness, and hurt. It is okay to not be okay for a little while. Be gentle with yourself as your life changes, heals, and grows.
- The right people
“A true friend is someone who reaches for your hand but touches your heart” Dr Hinemoa Elder
My biggest healer has been my small group of soulmates, they stayed around me, cried with me, let me be a mess, protected me, made me laugh, sung songs, told stories, but most importantly, allowed all the emotions to just be. In the early stages of grief, you really don’t have the capacity to take on anyone else’s sadness, to hear it or feel it. For now, it is all about me. The best help anyone can offer is to listen and then listen some more.
- Be still
Take time to be still, to breathe, and clear space in your mind so you can prepare yourself to accept new experiences. Sometimes it can feel easier to stay in a particular place in our grief, but you can’t. Once that stillness of time has turned in to strength, grab hold of and pull up the anchor you have let rest for a while. When you are ready, begin a new chapter.
- Creating moments
I know the importance now of creating forever moments and memories. No matter what aspect of your life it may be, in your family, your friendships, work and business, it is important to find moments of joy, comfort, and reflection. Creating experiences that will enrich your life and others lives can buoy you up on the difficult days.
There is no way around it – healing takes time. There is no list of ‘valid’ reasons to grieve, what matters is how you feel, there are no right or wrong feelings when it comes to loss. An important person in my life said this to me the other day “things happen and we can stop and try to analyse everything that we coulda, shoulda, maybe even woulda done…but the reality is that it’s done and there isn’t really anymore we can do but look ahead…” and he is right.
Your grief is your own, and no one else can tell you when it’s time to “move on” or “get over it.” Let yourself feel whatever you feel without embarrassment or judgment. It’s okay, to cry or not to cry. It’s also okay to laugh, to find moments of joy, and to let go when you’re ready.
Look ahead with power, strength, and courage. The road won’t be easy, but we can do it!
Her heart was broken….she did it anyway.
Shared with love, Karen xxx